Ex- English captain Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after finding out he has the illness.
"There's an element of facing the future and not wanting to really process that at the moment," he stated.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's heading. We comprehend that. But there is absolutely a unwillingness to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, says conversely he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his present welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the disease deteriorates.
"Perhaps that's trauma or perhaps I handle situations in another way, and when I have the details, it's easier," he stated further.
Early Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some weakness in his shoulder area while working out in the gym.
After physiotherapy was ineffective for the condition, a series of scans revealed neural pathways in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this medical finding of MND and we're rightly quite emotional about it, but it's so strange because I think everything is fine," he added.
"I don't feel sick. I don't feel unwell
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder.
"I'm still able to accomplishing all activities. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Condition Progression
MND can advance swiftly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the disease kills a one-third of people within a twelve months and above half within 730 days of diagnosis, as swallowing and breathing become increasingly challenging.
Therapy can only slow worsening.
"It's not me that I experience sorrow for," added an emotional Moody.
"It's the grief around having to break the news to my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Family Effect
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overcome with sentiment when he spoke about telling his sons - 17-year-old Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the devastating news, stating: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was quite devastating," Moody stated.
"We were seated on the sofa in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and commenced licking the drops off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody stated the priority was remaining in the present.
"There exists no treatment and that is why you have to be so militantly focused on just welcoming and appreciating each moment now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been very lucky that the sole determination I made when I left playing was to spend as much time with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those periods back."
Sportsman Association
Elite sportspeople are disproportionately affected by MND, with investigations suggesting the rate of the disease is up to six times elevated than in the wider community.
It is thought that by limiting the oxygen accessible and creating harm to motor neurone cells, consistent, intense physical activity can trigger the disease in those inherently vulnerable.
Rugby Career
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his fearless, relentless approach to the game.
He participated through a bone injury of his leg for a time with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he abandoned a training equipment and started engaging in physical contacts.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the end of the throw-in in the decisive moment of play, setting a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the victory-securing field goal.
Assistance Community
Moody has previously told Johnson, who led England to that championship, and a couple of other former team-mates about his diagnosis, but the others will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to depend on their support but, at the present, just having that sort of care and acceptance that people are available is what's important," he stated.
"This game is such a great family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even if it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to label your passion your career, it's one of the most important privileges.
"To have done it for so considerable a period with the teams that I did it with was a pleasure. And I am aware they will desire to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those conversations."
